I love The Onion when they’re on. In this case, it’s a roast of Ahmadinejad as done by the world’s leaders. Do read the whole thing, but my favorite moments follow.

“Mahmoud—now this is true—said that there are no homosexuals in Iran,” roaster and Pakistani president Pervez Musharraf said, “and I for one believe him. After all, if a cock-hound like Mammers can’t find a single puckered asshole in all of Persia to slap his balls against, then what’s the use of any of us trying?”

“A cock-hound like Mammers” has already entered my everyday lexicon.

Also speaking at the event were Syrian president Bashar al-Assad, Japanese prime minister Yasuo Fukuda, and longtime foreign policy adviser and roast favorite Henry Kissinger, who spent the majority of his speech making sexual overtures to French president Nicolas Sarkozy’s bride, model Carla Bruni. Although Bruni was seated in the audience, Kissinger politely offered her a seat on his face so he could get a better look at the only place a French leader has successfully invaded since Lombardy.

French jokes like this are easy, but the je ne sais quoi that the Onion always offers is the context—Kissinger asking Carla Bruni to sit on his face… I love it!

But a surprise visit from Israeli president Shimon Peres may have been the most popular act of the evening.

“On the way here tonight, someone told me that Mahmoud was a Shi’a,” said Peres, placing one hand on Ahmadinejad’s shoulder. “At first I thought they were saying ‘He’s a shit,’ because the two sound so similar. But there’s a big difference: One’s a brown, foul-smelling tube of solid waste—and the other comes out of my asshole.”

Again, heard it before, but the context makes it.

Nothing pithy to add, just wanted to highlight a good piece of work when I see it.